A Reading From the Book of the Prophet Bill Maher
Moses Had His Ten Commandments. Bill Maher Expands Upon the Vision of Old By Giving Us New Rules!
"The people in America who were most in favor of the Iraq war must go there and fight it. The army missed its recruiting goal by 42% a few months ago - more people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies."
" A Baptist Minister in North Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave his church. Well - if we're that certain these days George Bush is always that right sbout everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem the least one could do.
Hey, if it makes it any easier, just think of it as a reality show. Fear Factor:Shitting Your Pants Edition, Survivor: Sunni Triangle, or maybe a video game Grand Theft Allah.
I know, you're thinking, "But Bill, I already do my part with the "Support Our Troops' magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe - how much more can one man give?"
Here's an intriguing economic indicator: It's been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have been able to find work. Why don't they sign up for Iraq duty? Do they hate America or just freedom in general?
That goes for everybody who helped sell this war - you gotta go first, Brooks and Dunn? Drop your cocks and grab your socks. Ann Coulter:Darling, trust me, you will love the army. You think you make stuff up? Curt Schilling? Bye-bye. You ended the curse on Boston? Good. Let's try your magic on Fallujah. Oh, and tha Republican Baldwin brother has to go, too, so that Ted Nugent has someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr and Mrs Britney Spears, because Britney once said, "..we should trust out president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens."
Somebody has to die for that. Hell, Britney's already knocked up, so that'll save the guards at Abu Ghraib about 10 minutes. And think of the spiritual lift it will provide troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline's face and fills his low-hanging trousers with duty.
In summation, you can't advocate for something you wouldn't do yourself. For example, I'm for fuel efficiency which is why I drive a hybrid car and always take an electric private plane. I'm for legalizing marijuana, so I smoke a ton of it. I'm for gay marriage, which is why - oh well, you get the point."
"The people in America who were most in favor of the Iraq war must go there and fight it. The army missed its recruiting goal by 42% a few months ago - more people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies."
" A Baptist Minister in North Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave his church. Well - if we're that certain these days George Bush is always that right sbout everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem the least one could do.
Hey, if it makes it any easier, just think of it as a reality show. Fear Factor:Shitting Your Pants Edition, Survivor: Sunni Triangle, or maybe a video game Grand Theft Allah.
I know, you're thinking, "But Bill, I already do my part with the "Support Our Troops' magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe - how much more can one man give?"
Here's an intriguing economic indicator: It's been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have been able to find work. Why don't they sign up for Iraq duty? Do they hate America or just freedom in general?
That goes for everybody who helped sell this war - you gotta go first, Brooks and Dunn? Drop your cocks and grab your socks. Ann Coulter:Darling, trust me, you will love the army. You think you make stuff up? Curt Schilling? Bye-bye. You ended the curse on Boston? Good. Let's try your magic on Fallujah. Oh, and tha Republican Baldwin brother has to go, too, so that Ted Nugent has someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr and Mrs Britney Spears, because Britney once said, "..we should trust out president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens."
Somebody has to die for that. Hell, Britney's already knocked up, so that'll save the guards at Abu Ghraib about 10 minutes. And think of the spiritual lift it will provide troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline's face and fills his low-hanging trousers with duty.
In summation, you can't advocate for something you wouldn't do yourself. For example, I'm for fuel efficiency which is why I drive a hybrid car and always take an electric private plane. I'm for legalizing marijuana, so I smoke a ton of it. I'm for gay marriage, which is why - oh well, you get the point."
posted by Gibraltariana at 8:49 AM
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