Sunday, October 09, 2005

After Long And Deep Thought

I have tried to determine what best describes my position of faith. The current crops of definitions/ philosophies are wanting.

angnostic-.n 1.One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.

atheist- n. One who disbelieves or denies the existence of God or gods.

fundamentalism- n. A usually religious movement or point of view characterized by a return to fundamental principles, by rigid adherence to those principles, and often by intolerance of other views and opposition to secularism.

fanatic- n. A person marked or motivated by an extreme, unreasoning enthusiasm, as for a cause.

After careful consideration none of the above reflect the true depth of my faith so I will have to bastardize another, I am an ambivelist.

ambivelist- n. Someone who does not care if there is a gods, god, or flying spaghetti monster.

I really and truly don't. It doesn't change my status, my career, or my family situation. I do not pine about where my faith went, I can pin-point it though. When I was about 15 my parents took me to a Roman Catholic revival meeting, bet you did not know they even existed. Well at this Pontiff approved excuse to pass a collection plate there was a faith healer. Well I must give her props for being a hell of a showperson. She could huckster with the best of 'em. Sell a blind man glasses and a desert nomad sand.

She moved with the grace of a rattler. She struck as hard too. God, love, and faith, all there for the askin', like a sideshow barker she ordered her sons out into the audience to lead a procession of the faithful to see the world's truly oldest profession. Religion.

Yep, she worked the crowd like pro. P.T would have been proud. Well once everybody was up an roarin', like the 8th inning of a close game and you got bases loaded and Derek Jeter at the plate, she called for the speaking in tongues.

It was right here. This was the moment that my faith was shattered. Gone, baby!

I watched a crowded RC. school gym erupt into a cacophony of bullshit! Everybody going on making what amounted to the loudest Bronx cheer I have ever heard. If this is how you talk to god than I really worry about the "Makers" sanity. Is it a blathering idiot, drooling on itself making incoherent noises. Probably not, but after a quick read of Genesis you might start to wonder.

The there was the faith healing. The folding metal chairs were pushed to the sides and we were lined up like the good Christian suckers.... sorry soldiers we were born to be. We stood there waiting for one of three "healers " to do a layin' of the hands.

Hucksters. Charlatans. Genius.

People fell, everyone got touched. Well one of PT Christian's (no relation to the great Gen J.C. Christian of Jesus' General) sons got me. Well he placed a whopper on my 15 year old head. Grabbed my head like a vice with, for some reason I noticed, on my temples. He applied pressure. Well, no shit, no wonder some of the older folks took a tumble. Hell I got dizzy. Squeeze my temples and push my head.

Religion, faith no thanks. I gave up giving a shit yesterday morning.

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