What Jon Stewart Said

A primer for the uninitiated, the ill-informed, or those with their heads so far up their ass they can measure their heart rate with their tongue.

A Modest Ad Proposal

As an old-fashioned bleeding heart liberal, my heart, well, bleeds to see the once-mighty Republican Party in such disarray. As Senators, Congressmen and apparatchniks depart in droves (or are quietly led away to, shall we say, secure quarters), it is urgent for the Party to recruit new members, men who share the party’s values, vision and goals. But the Party is floundering, unable to hold onto old members or court new ones. The problem, it seems to me, is that the Republican Party isn’t targeting the right people. There’s a natural constituency out there just waiting to be tapped. So I offer this rough ad copy in the hope that it will help restore one of the pillars of our two-party system to its former glory:

Are you a married middle-aged white man, desperate, lonely and out of sorts? Do you wake up sweaty and confused after dreaming about those drunken “experiments” back in college? Do you still shudder with pleasure at the memory of the initiation rites where you learned what “skull and bones” really means? Do you fantasize about your hidden Tom of Finland poster collection while having obligatory anniversary sex with your game but willing wasp wife? Do you hate yourself and your uncontrollable longings? Are you afraid no one will ever understand?

Well, rest your quivering loins. The Republican Party understands.

Once upon a time in America, hypocrisy and shame were treasured social niceties; openness and honesty were the kinds of coarse behavior one expected of the untutored lower classes, servants and misguided unbribable police officers. Not anymore. Now everyone is expected to be happy with who they are.

What a ridiculous idea. Only perverts and communists are happy. Happiness, like taxes, is for the little people.

The Democrats don’t understand. They don’t think you should hate yourself. They don’t think you should have to skulk in alleys or loiter in airport bathrooms. They want to drag you out of the closet where everyone, including your family – yes, even Jesus! – can see you.

Not the Republican Party. We like you just the way you are.

Just ask Mark Foley. Or Larry Craig. Or Bob Allen. Or Jeff Gannon or Karl Rove or Dick Cheney or George Bush. They’ve all made successful Republican careers out of hating themselves without reservation and taking it out on everyone else. Now you can too!

No more will you have to be ashamed of your “wide stance.” Or of offering blow jobs to large black men out of fear of robbery and worse. After all, who hasn’t? If not for pasty cringing white men offering blow jobs to big black bucks, their muscles glistening with sweat in the harsh fluorescent lights, who knows what the crime rate might be! And finally you will be able to lust after those Congressional pages with impunity, those pages so pale and clean in their little uniforms and ties, strutting their dirty dirty stuff up and down the halls of Congress.

Where else but in the Republican Party. In your balls, you know it’s right!

What PZ said....

From Pharyngula

Come February, we are going to be privileged to see a brand new movie that stars Ben Stein and portrays Intelligent Design creationism as the cool rebel oppressed by the stodgy old Darwinist bullies. Did you know that "scientists are not allowed to even think thoughts that involve an intelligent creator"? I didn't either. I think a lot of scientists have thought about it and noticed that there is no evidence for such a hypothesis, and have therefore rejected it.

I guess this idiocy was inevitable. From what I gather from the movie's website. Ben is playing the supercooooool teacher who is oppressed and suppressed by the eeeeeeevillll science community who hate invisible best friends like the Judeo-Chrisitian imaginary sky-buddy. It should make the rounds through the Bibble Belt and evangelical churches, but as far as making my Netflix queue or plunking down $10 for this stinkeroo.... um no.

Beside the very idea of BS in a pair of private school shorts should be enough to make anyone question the existence of an intelligent creator in the first place.
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And Now For Some More Bad News.... Ready?

From SF Gate.com

Capital One shutters its GreenPoint Mortgage unit
Woes mount as Countrywide dumps 500 jobs, S.F.'s Luminent sells stake cheap
Chronicle Staff and News Servicesesday, August 21, 2007

Capital One Financial Corp. said Monday that it will cut 1,900 jobs - including 500 in Marin County - and shutter its wholesale mortgage banking business, a move that comes as lenders continue to struggle in the nation's housing and credit markets.

Capital One said it will shut Novato's GreenPoint Mortgage and eliminate most jobs by the end of year. The McLean, Va., company will close 31 GreenPoint locations in 19 states and "cease residential mortgage origination" effective immediately but said it will honor commitments to customers with locked rates who have loans already in the pipeline.

In other developments Monday:

-- Thornburg Mortgage Inc., the jumbo-mortgage specialist that stopped taking loan applications last week, sold $20.5 billion of securities at a discount to pay down debt it couldn't refinance.

-- San Francisco's Luminent Mortgage Capital Inc. agreed to sell a majority stake for pennies on the dollar in a bid to survive.

-- Countrywide Financial Corp., the nation's largest mortgage lender, said it had eliminated 500 jobs as it tries to ride out a liquidity crisis.

And now for the bad news..... Word is this is just the tip of the iceberg folks.

Made In China.... WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!

Did She Just Say That?

Sometimes people say dumb things. It happens. However there are those rare moments when someone says something so colossally stupid and idiotic that it bares mentioning.

Heard this on Thom Hartmann yesterday and just could not believe my own ears. CNBC's talking doodle head, Erin Burnett had this to say on trade with China'

“A lot of people like to say, uh, scaremonger about China, right? A lot of politicians, and I know you talk about that issue all the time. I think people should be careful what they wish for on China. Ya know, if China were to revalue it’s currency or China is to start making say, toys that don’t have lead in them or food that isn’t poisonous, their costs of production are going to go up and that means prices at Wal-Mart here in the United States are going to go up too. So, I would say China is our greatest friend right now, they’re keeping prices low and they’re keeping the prices for mortgages low, too.”

Still don't believe this came out of a persons mouth? Crooks and Liars has video, here