What Jon Stewart Said

A primer for the uninitiated, the ill-informed, or those with their heads so far up their ass they can measure their heart rate with their tongue.

Meet Me In September....

It looks like the issue of Iraq, the surge, and the funding of a fiasco has officially been placed on the Congressional back burner until September. Its prominence in the news and the American psyche will only grow. Each death from now till Congress takes up the issue will be the price of being reasonable.

I hate it.

If I wanted to be uncivil, I would call this recent vote the steaming pile of rancid wombat shit it is, but we must be civil. We don't want the Times or WaPo to think of us as unwashed, rude, and not in the Washington loop. Frack'em!

How much more does American opinion have to turn on this war or its criminally minded ideologues that forced it? The Bush infestation has shot its load, spent its 5 cents of political capital. It is time to bring our soldiers home!

There are no more excuses.

This is the quandary Congressional Democrats have found themselves in. We are no longer the minority party, that excuse is gone. The whole concept of supporting the troops by keeping them in a crumbling corner of hell was bullshit to begin with. If we approve funding with timetables and benchmarks, and Dimwit McFrackstick doesn't like it, then too bad. That's life baby cakes. Congress holds the purse strings swifty live with it. Thanks for nothing. Waiting till a vote is pointless, when you COULD HAVE led by example is not something to put on your presidential resumes. I don't know if Edwards, if he was still in the senate, would have done something differently, but at least he has been beating the peace drum the most consistently, at least amongst the major candidates.

Okay, with the settling in phase at my new job over, I hope to be posting at my usual rate.

Shock and Awe Awe Baby! That's Great!

More Names Possible in D.C. Escort Case
Washington_Escort_Service
By MATTHEW BARAKAT
Associated Press Writer

"She never kept a black book. She kept telephone records," said Montgomery Blair Sibley, an attorney who represents Palfrey in civil matters....

Randall Tobias, head of the Bush administration's foreign aid programs, abruptly resigned Friday, the day ABC reported that Tobias had used Palfrey's escort firm, Pamela Martin & Associates. Tobias told the network he received only services that were legal, such as massages.

Tobias is the second person to be publicly labeled a Palfrey customer. In court papers, Palfrey listed Harlan Ullman, a military strategist who authored the combat strategy known as "shock and awe," as a client. Ullman has said the assertion is not worthy of a response.

Gives a WHOLE new meaning to the term, "shock and awe".

Well folks as this case heats up I won't be laying on my back. Got my popcorn ready for the upcoming show.

Here's to a happy ending!

Impeachment- Shrubadelic

Who knew that GOP stood for Get On a Prostitute?

In general I wouldn't care who bangs what. However, since this administration and the whole bloody Republican party have been on this "sanctity of marriage", "family values" sanctimonious bullshit, well... Its just so much fun when stuff like this happens.

Senior Official Linked to Escort Service Resigns
April 27, 2007 8:58 PM
Brian Ross and Justin Rood

Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias submitted his resignation Friday, one day after confirming to ABC News that he had been a customer of a Washington, D.C. escort service whose owner has been charged by federal prosecutors with running a prostitution operation.

Tobias, 65, director of U.S. Foreign Assistance and administrator of the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), had previously served as the ambassador for the President's Emergency Fund for AIDS Relief.

The escort service bore the law firm inspired moniker of Pamela Martin and Associates. Here's a review form Judy's Book:

Reviews
Where a Republican can go for descreet service and full release...
Five Stars

Dickless C.
It's getting tough to get one's groove on in this town if you are a Republican... However, this service has shown to be descreet, and the women are super. Ya' gotta have the dough if you want the 'full' service...

A LHC Exclusive!!!!!

Many who saw this live on CSPAN or saw it later on Olbermann felt the same disquieting feeling in their stomachs. There lurking in the woods, for no apparent reason, was Cheney. Was he working the remote? Practicing to be an extra in the Sopranos, for the stalker sub-plot? Did he have a senior moment and just randomly walk out onto the lawn? Did he remember to wear pants?

No friends their was a darker more sinister motive at hand. We here at Left Handed Compliment are now able to reveal that dark purpose.

When we zoomed in on the picture and hovered over where Cheney was hiding, amongst the shrubbery, here is what we found!

Disturbing? Yes. Somehow we should have known all along.

MULTIPASS!!

Okay maybe an inappropriately humorous introduction to some really scary shit. Attaturk of Rising Hegemon and Eschaton fame, posted this Orwellian tale at the latter.

The story of Professor Walter F. Murphy, emeritus of Princeton University
Full text at Balkinization
"When I tried to use the curb-side check in at the Sunport, I was denied a boarding pass because I was on the Terrorist Watch list. I was instructed to go inside and talk to a clerk. At this point, I should note that I am not only the McCormick Professor of Jurisprudence (emeritus) but also a retired Marine colonel. I fought in the Korean War as a young lieutenant, was wounded, and decorated for heroism. I remained a professional soldier for more than five years and then accepted a commission as a reserve office, serving for an additional 19 years."

"I presented my credentials from the Marine Corps to a very polite clerk for American Airlines. One of the two people to whom I talked asked a question and offered a frightening comment: "Have you been in any peace marches? We ban a lot of people from flying because of that." I explained that I had not so marched but had, in September, 2006, given a lecture at Princeton, televised and put on the Web, highly critical of George Bush for his many violations of the Constitution. "That'll do it," the man said. "

No further comment necessary, this speaks for itself.

Wrong Hole George, Please Let This Be A Joke

When I first read this article I thought, well actually hoped it was some sort of belated April Fool's gag. Maybe this was a piece from the Onion that the Detroit News accidentally picked up. I still don't know and I still hold out hope that the POTUS isn't this big of an idiot. That being said I still tremble at the stories that came out of Shrub's trip to the Catepillar plant.

With George's rather colorful past, one wonders how he didn't learn that you don't just shove it into any hole that is available. We may now have an explanation for that uncomfortable smile Laura wears.

Mark Wilson / Getty Images

Plug it in, fire it up, Mr. President
The Detroit News
Credit Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally with saving the leader of the free world from self-immolation.

Mulally told journalists at the New York auto show that he intervened to prevent President Bush from plugging an electrical cord into the hydrogen tank of Ford's hydrogen-electric plug-in hybrid at the White House last week. Ford wanted to give the Commander-in-Chief an actual demonstration of the innovative vehicle, so the automaker arranged for an electrical outlet to be installed on the South Lawn and ran a charging cord to the hybrid. However, as Mulally followed Bush out to the car, he noticed someone had left the cord lying at the rear of the vehicle, near the fuel tank.

"I just thought, 'Oh my goodness!' So, I started walking faster, and the President walked faster and he got to the cord before I did. I violated all the protocols. I touched the President. I grabbed his arm and I moved him up to the front," Mulally said. "I wanted the president to make sure he plugged into the electricity, not into the hydrogen This is all off the record, right?"

Dor-sho-gha! bIHnuch ghobe' hoghobe'r!!!

Okay so many of you may not have a working knowledge of Klingon so a transaltion of the title above,
Translation: "(Expletive deleted) Cowards without honor!"

"This president has listened to some people, the so-called Vulcans in the White House, the ideologues. But you know, unlike the Vulcans of Star Trek who made the decisions based on logic and fact, these guys make it on ideology. These aren't Vulcans. There are Klingons in the White House. But unlike the real Klingons of Star Trek, these Klingons have never fought a battle of their own. Don't let faux Klingons send real Americans to war."

(Rep David Wu-OR

DAMN!!! A geek in Congress ROCK ON!!! Fellow geeks our time has come!

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

Watch as two forces of evil converge in comedic symmetry.

I See Dumb People

"Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled or hanged," that's what President Abraham Lincoln said during the War Between the States.

J. Michael Waller, "Democrats Usher in An Age of Treason." Insight magazine, 23 Dec. 2003

Apparently no matter how many times it crops up and then immediately slammed down, this like many other bogus Lincoln quotes has a life of its own. it was used in the 2006 Washington County, PA Commissioners race by Diana Irey. She subsequently apologized. The most egregious use, and most current, is by Representative Don Young (R-Alaska). Who, when called on it, let his spokesperson do the talking:

Young's spokeswoman, Meredith Kenny, said the congressman took the quote directly from an article he read in The Washington Times on Tuesday, which as of Thursday had not been corrected.

"Now that he's been informed these are not the actual words of Lincoln, he will discontinue attributing the words to Lincoln. However, he continues to totally agree with the message of the statement... Americans, especially America's elected leaders, should not take actions during a time of war that damage the morale of our soldiers and military -- and that is exactly what this non-binding resolution does."

Quoted from The Sleuth, Honest It Wasn't Abe

It should come as no surprise that "Alaska's Third Senator" was ranked as the third worst member of Congress, dubbed Mr. Pork by Rolling Stone. A note to Republicans stop quoting crap from the Mooney Herald, otherwise known as the Washington Times. Really it gets you nothing but trouble.

The second dumb statement comes from the font of silliness our President. Its not so much the rest of his answer that is idiotic, it's not. Here lies the problem, when you say stuff like "money trumps peace", you lose everybody in the sheer amoral nature of the statement, and no one listens to the rest of the answer. I do not agree with his hellbent for leather saber-rattling with Iran. I do believe that brinkmanship is sometimes necessary, but trying to force a Gulf of Tonkin II is not in the United States best interests. Anyway here is the exchange:

Q A lot of our allies in Europe do a lot of business with Iran, so I wonder what your thoughts are about how you further tighten the financial pressure on Iran, in particular, if it also means economic pain for a lot of our allies?

THE PRESIDENT: It's an interesting question. One of the problems -- not specifically on this issue, just in general -- let's put it this way, money trumps peace, sometimes. In other words, commercial interests are very powerful interests throughout the world. And part of the issue in convincing people to put sanctions on a specific country is to convince them that it's in the world's interest that they forgo their own financial interest.

Press Conference February 14th. 2007

If Republicans want to know why they lost in November 06, or at least one of the many reasons why they lost, it is saying amazingly amoral, unnecessary, illogical, and moronic things. In short republicans take notr, I quote Walt Kelly's Pogo: We have met the enemy and they are us.

Bush On American Idol

Phased Withdrawal

While the term sounds like something akin to the rhythm method, the number of proposals for getting the hell out of Iraq continues to climb (see TPM Cafe article on Senator Barack Obama's recent proposal) . At this point only the furthest reaches of Wingnuttia see the fiasco as winnable. They also either refuse to define or more likely can not define what the now rhetorical term "victory" looks like.
The main hurdle to climb is of course "the decider". While the Constitution expressly names the President as Commander and Chief of the Armed Forces, only Congress can authorize military action. That is on a purely Constitutional basis. Subsequent additions to the U.S. code, commonly referred to as the "War Powers Act", see Public Law 93-148
93rd Congress, H. J. Res. 54 or, Title 50 Ch 33 of the US code, but more specifically Ch 33 Sec 1541(b) (c) states:

(b) Congressional legislative power under necessary and proper clause Under article I, section 8, of the Constitution, it is specifically provided that the Congress shall have the power to make all laws necessary and proper for carrying into execution, not only its own powers but also all other powers vested by the Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any department or officer hereof.

(c) Presidential executive power as Commander-in-Chief; limitation
The constitutional powers of the President as Commander-in-Chief to introduce United States Armed Forces into hostilities, or into situations where imminent involvement in hostilities is clearly indicated by the circumstances, are exercised only pursuant to
(1) a declaration of war,
(2) specific statutory authorization, or
(3) a national emergency created by attack upon the United States, its territories or possessions, or its armed forces.

Does his "Mission Accomplished" speech, May 1st, 2003, constitute an end to hostilities? :

Admiral Kelly, Captain Card, officers and sailors of the USS Abraham Lincoln, my fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the Battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed. And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that country.

Now couple the with Ch 33 Sec. 1543(c)

(c) Periodic reports; semiannual requirement

Whenever United States Armed Forces are introduced into hostilities or into any situation described in subsection (a) of this section, the President shall, so long as such armed forces continue to be engaged in such hostilities or situation, report to the Congress periodically on the status of such hostilities or situation as well as on the scope and duration of such hostilities or situation, but in no event shall he report to the Congress less often than once every six months.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS THE BIGGIE Ch 33 Sec 1544 (c) states:

(c) Concurrent resolution for removal by President of United States Armed Forces

Notwithstanding subsection (b) of this section, at any time that United States Armed Forces are engaged in hostilities outside the territory of the United States, its possessions and territories without a declaration of war or specific statutory authorization, such forces shall be removed by the President if the Congress so directs by concurrent resolution.

I am not a constitutional scholar or a lawyer, however it seems clear that if Murtha's, Obama's, or whichever resolution comes up for a vote and passes jointly than the president has no choice but to withdraw our forces.

Grist on Shrub's Alter-Fuel Policy

Shrub wants the U.S. to use more alternate fuels. Just like his, incomprehensible and Tourette's inspired, SOTU last year; we learned about the wonders of switch grass (and the evils of animal-human hybrids, still WTF?). This year tar sands, nookular, and coal head the list. Sound alternative and clean? Yeah its like buying surgical equipment from Pig-Pen's Pharmacy in Peanuts land.
The premier environmental blog Grist sets the record straight. However this quote sums it up nicely:

National Environmental Trust President Philip Clapp summed up the collective national sigh thusly: "There is no revolution in global-warming policy in anything the president is proposing, no matter how the White House tries to spin it."

Read the whole article by clicking here

George W Bush

Bringing the same level of interest and intensity to the presidency.

Thanks to Scout Prime of First Draft

I Like to Call This ....

Ho Hugs Pimp

Thanks to Water Tiger for finding the pic.

Watch Out For Falling Neo-Cons!

In another White House shuffling of deck chairs, John "Death Squad" Negroponte was the latest neo-con to fall from grace into some deputy position. The former intelligence head, becomes, "ABRACADABRA!" deputy Secretary of State. A serious demotion. However Negroponte called this move "an opportunity of a lifetime."

(cough) BULLSHIT! (cough)

The Washington Post headlines this article "Negroponte Stepping Aside". Run out on a rail might be more accurate.

Replacing Negroponte is Mike McConnell who served as NSA chief 1992-1996. A Clinton appointee and apparently loved by Snarlin' Arlen Specter.

Excerpt from the Congressional Record dated February 29, 1996:

"Mr. President, I close by stating that everyone who calls this great Nation home owed a debt of gratitude to Vice Admiral McConnell. He has quietly, yet dutifully, served the Nation during four different decades and under seven different Commanders in Chief. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know him personally can attest to his dedication, peerless integrity, and unwavering loyalty to this Nation. It is with a sense of great pride and honor that I salute Vice Adm. Mike McConnell. "

While the website this interview is on seems more like some tin foil hat wearing "Yellow Peril" nut job, it does contain a past interview with the nominee: Softwar & The Admiral. Overall McConnell is a shoe in, he is actually qualified for the job, which is no small feat for this administration.

He is also a politically safe pick as well. he will get the "DEMOCRATIC MAJORITY" (sorry I love typing that) having served under Clinton and garners much respect from the Republican side of the aisle as well. The nomination of the Admiral is further evidence that this administration's neo-con delusions are toasted. This is a Poppy Bush's "save my family name" pick if ever there was one.

OMI GOSH! SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!

Money Talks and B*LLSH*T Walks, Wofie

Talk is cheap, especially from a President who has spent all his non-existent capital. Much like the federal budget, Shrub built up a bill that his administration can't cash anymore, but when absolutely useless people like Wolf Blitzer, portray themselves as "in the know" and relevant, and say crap like this, it is not just bullshit, its embarrassing.

Media Matters Provides the transcript:

From the 4 p.m. ET segment of the December 20 edition of CNN's The Situation Room:

MALVEAUX: Well, Wolf, really, the final news conference is a chance for the president to press the reset button, to give his New Year's resolution, if you will. The president vowing several times not only to work with Republicans but Democrats as well to come up with some sort of Iraq policy that is successful, but also one that the American people can get behind....

BLITZER: Meantime, the top Senate Democrat is taking a new jab at President Bush on Iraq, despite his talk of bipartisanship during his news conference.

That's right Wolf cause as we say in New York: That and $2.00 gets me on the subway. There is no legitimate reason for Harry Reid, or anyone for that matter, to believe this president. Bush squandered every last shred of his, questionable, integrity back in '03 for jimminy's sake. Please Wolf stop making an ass of yourself , you really don't need to drop to your knees and perform journalistic fellatio for these people anymore. Unless of course your really believe the jumbo sized portion of crap you are being served? If so please refrain from holding it out to the rest of us and asking, "Gee, does this smell okay to you?"